"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid." John 14:27
An interesting year this has been for me, for our family. A year of joy, a year of trials. Many things this year has been, but not a year of health. I know that in comparison to many, we are thriving and flourishing. However, in comparison to our past years, this hasn't been stellar! Josie had tubes placed in her ears in August, I had an unexpected surgery in November, Josie visited the ER followed with a hospital stay on Christmas Eve/Day to name a few of our surprises this year. The ER visit with Josie was specifically a meaningful experience for me. Leading up to the event, Josie had dealt with a mild cold for a few days. On Christmas Eve she began to experience some wheezing that I noted but she continued to play, eat, and sleep well. The wheezing continued and when I went to give her a bath that evening, I realized we were in trouble. She was having trouble breathing which could be seen by the showing of her ribs and flaring of her nostrils. The wheezing could suddenly be heard from across the room. Although she never panicked it was obvious we couldn't let this blow over. Off to the ER we went. We spent 7 hours with the ER dept. before we were admitted to a room at 3am for a Bronchiolitis diagnosis. This was a Friday night. I work every Sat. and Sun. As you can imagine, calling in sick on Christmas day, for any reason, would not have gone over well with work. I do work with a wonderfully supportive staff, but there are still rules to follow and I have missed a ton of work this year so far. I knew that if I missed work, I'd be walking a thin rope awfully close to a probation period. As I sat in the ER with Josie that night I processed emotionally what it would look like for me to actually walk away from her the next day...to leave her. She didn't get worse, but seemed to stay the same concerning her condition, so they decided admit her. I had to make a choice. Knowing how awesome of a father Jonathan is, never wavering in my confidence in his gift of comforting, knowing Josie would be just as content with him as with me, I chose to work that day. This might just have been more difficult than birth itself. I never expected as a mom to have to make this choice. Isn't that where moms are, at the bedside of a sick child? Yet, as I was walking through the motions, I had what I can only describe as an unspeakable peace. I was not anxious, was not angry. I just felt peace. I believe the Lord gives us direction. I believe He never asks us to carry a burden He doesn't give us the strength to lift. Mostly, I think He really just carried me the whole time. I had about 1.5 hours of sleep on a hospital couch before heading out to work. No doubt I was exhausted, but I never felt overwhelmed. This peace definitely passed all understanding! "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light." Matthew 11:28-30. Many opportunities have come for me to share this, but I just haven't had words to describe. I suppose that is why "unspeakable" seems to do best. His provisions never failed, that day or any other. It was beautiful to watch the Father at work on my behalf in many ways. Jonathan's mom was visiting, so Jackson's care was never a concern, making it possible for Jonathan and I to weather the ER together. Someone offered to work for me the following Sunday, so I was able to rest and tend to Josie the first day home. We had some Christmas gifts that totally covered us financially for the healthcare bills and missed work. Our family not one moment was in need of a thing. Even Jonathan and Josie enjoyed the sweet time of bonding while resting in the hospital. So, looking back over the year, I wouldn't change a thing. Not if it meant missing the opportunity to experience this peace that is soft, quiet, satisfying, gentle, and in abundance each day. If you know this peace, rejoice, and be thankful. If you do not, I urge you to seek it. "And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heats and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7
Loves to eat!
Gum! A stocking favorite :).
Reading the book together that Jackson picked out to give to Josie...so sweet!
Merry Christmas
Happy Birthday, Jesus!
Night time routine...reading books.
